Today I read and article that really challenged me. To read the article, click here. I'm not really sure how exactly to put into words what I'm thinking but I don't want to be a mindless eating machine, just filling my life with food and eating. 10% more joy as the Cadbury packet says - what a lie! I don't want to find my life's joy in food, something that is here now and digested and gone within hours.
I want to find joy in living. In my family. My faith. Through living well and BIG and fun. I don't want to be a slave to this. As someone who has been overweight or obese for most of my adult life, for me it all comes back to food. Instead of feeling like I'm missing out, I'm now simply focused on feeding myself nutritious food that sustains me to live the life that I've been called to. That's what this is about. Yes, it's ok to enjoy food. But to mindlessly shove it in, without a thought, living in constant guilt from the last binge? No thanks.
Now repeat after me: "I am NOT a mindless eating machine! I am a person of worth!"
And the beautiful thing is, it's a new day tomorrow. And every day.
So it's been a pretty tough 6 months when it comes to my weight. Since November I've managed to put back on about 10kg. It's not something I'm happy about, I feel awful and slothful and generally just down on myself. I feel ashamed and embarrassed. This last couple of weeks I've been trying to work through what's happened, why I've reverted back to my old way of thinking and eating. I've narrowed it down to a couple of things, my triggers and thought processes.
1. The 'All or Nothing' principle.
This bad boy is the voice in my head that says, "Oh I've already eating something dodgy today, there's no point in eating well at the next meal, the day is ruined" or "I didn't get out of bed to exercise this morning, and I'm not going to be able to fit it in later, so I'll just eat this chocolate and kick myself while I'm down".
2. Binge eating & food addiction
I have always eaten my feelings. Having a bad day, feeling stressed, kids driving me crazy, had a fight with the hubby, people at work driving me nuts = LET'S EAT! In the moment, the eating makes me feel better. The secret planning of a binge. Thinking through all the options. Walking through the shop picking out the foods that are sure to make me feel better. Gorging myself and in that moment, I feel better. Fast forward about 5 minutes and I'm back to where I was, having a bad day, but now I've got a stomach full of rubbish food with a side serving of guilt.
With these 2 triggers, I've managed to hand back the control of my weight to my feelings, which are most unreliable. So it's time to move forward! I'm committing to taking things one meal and workout at a time. If I have a treat, or even a binge, it's not the end of the world. Start afresh at the next meal. Not the next day, or the next Monday, or the next whatever. NEXT MEAL! Secondly, organising my food and eating well comes before exercise. I can generally find time to exercise. I enjoy it. My downfall is my eating. Keep on top of the eating and the rest will follow. Lastly, I need to be kind to myself. My life is busy. It's stressful. I have a husband who deserves to be treated well, who supports me on the journey. I have 3 small people who deserve my gentle mothering, and the best of what I have to give, not the last of what I have to give. I have a job that I love, colleagues that support me. I am so blessed. Above all, the better I eat and the kinder I treat my body, the better I feel. The more energy I have. The better I cope with my crazy life. This is what I need to remember.
Onwards shall I march.
