I have reached a new level of frustration with myself. I hear myself cheering others along on their weightloss/fitness journey, quoting motivational words, and meaning it from the bottom of my heart. But in myself I'm really struggling. I'm struggling with having balance between eating healthy for my life and not just enjoying those foods in moderation. I seem to be in an 'all or nothing' phase and it's really not getting me anywhere. I have been eating what I want, when I want and really feeling apathetic about my health. I feel like rubbish from eating rubbish and if I don't pull myself out of this hole, I fear I may slide very quickly back to where I was.
I always promised myself that once I got to a healthy weight that I would exercise for life, not for weight loss. I promised myself I would respect my body by eating wholesome, healthy food and only indulging occasionally, enjoy it then move on. Yes I'm maintaining my weight okay, I've been sitting between 67kg & 69kg for the last couple of months but I don't feel all that healthy. I don't feel like my body is operating at the best it could be.
BUT BUT BUT! You know what's REALLY awesome?! I'm aware. For once in my life I'm aware of what's going on. I'm aware of my processes. I'm aware that I need to act. I'm not blindly eating my way into oblivion. It's not even about guilt. It's about the fact that I deserve better. I deserve to be healthy. I'm more valuable that the rubbish food that I give my body. So that's it. Done. Moving on. Onwards and upwards soldier. Bring on week 4! I'm gonna smash it.
It's time to reassess my goals. What do I really want from my health? What am I prepared to do to get there? What are the main triggers for eating the foods I shouldn't?
Soul-searching time. Watch this space.