Today hasn't been going so well. After yesterday's saga of a Monday, I had high hopes that today would be better. I should have stayed in bed. Days like yesterday remind me of my emotional relationship with food and my reliance on it as a coping mechanism. All day I fought with myself not to eat a pile of chocolate and for the most part I won. Today presented me with new challenges.
Levi had a rough night, he's got a horrible cold and was awake for hours and very unsettled. (You can almost hear the excuses coming can't you?) So not feeling the greatest myself this morning I decided to keep myself and Levi home from work/kindy, spending the day recouping at home. After eating some healthy porridge for breakfast and dropping the girls at kindy, I came unstuck. All my drive and determination for my weigh in tomorrow dissolved, leaving in its wake the strong but pathetic desire for anything that wasn't in my meal plan. I replaced my ham, cheese and avocado toastie for lunch with a microwave chocolate cake in a mug. I followed this with 1/3 of a block of chocolate. Nutritious lunch? I think not. Do you think I stopped there? No. It was at this point that I becsme frustrated with myself, but in that mindset where I justified any future bad decisions by the fact that I'd already royally stuffed up my eating for the day. I continued into the afternoon, eating and eating. And here I am. Writing this blog. Feeling positively ill. Have I learnt my lesson? Perhaps for today.
You know what the awesome thing is though? I know that tomorrow is a new day. I know that my goals remain true. I know that I'm stronger than I think. And I know that I am determined and that my will is stronger than my emotions. I just have to exercise it.